[Dark lane. The main character wounded a goat-like demon. It lies on the ground.]


Garcia: The bullet train is here, hellmonkey.

Demon: As if you mortals can be saved with one squeeze. Kill me, and I shall be replaced by another and another... and another still. You cannot point that pet gun of yours at all demonkind. And wherever you are not looking is where the greatest threat shall be. One at a time, we shall seize the treasures of your his as spoils, and leave only emptiness and despair my last gifts to you.

Garcia: Just don't forget to wrap them, Puta Claus.

Demon: By the way, Hotspur... How is your dear sweet Paula? Is she “hanging in there”?

Garcia: Fuck you!

[He blows the demon head out with his gun and run away. He runs home and finds his girlfriend hanged.]


Garcia: Paula! Oh god… no. Shit. Paula! Wait... n-no!

[A demon crawls out of Paula’s body. Garcia kills them all, and in the meantime Paula’s body is stolen.]

(Aka "The Lord of Demons")

Garcia: You let my Angel go now, stranger, and maybe I will blow your head off nicely.

Paula: Garcia, help me!

Fleming: Let her go? But can't you see the little peach is coming on to me?

Garcia: Come onto this, pendejo!

Fleming: Oh, Demon Hunter. Your bullets have no bite. No… penetration. You need more THRUST!!!

[He hurls Garcia with a wave of force from his staff.]

Garcia: Que Diablos es eso?

Fleming: That was just the appetizer, Hotspurб a taste of what's in store.

Garcia: So, you know my name.

Fleming: And you don't know mine? Please, call me Fleming. Ohh. You're not going to get pouty over one little blonde bombshell? Tell you what, you can have the girl back, good as new. If you atone for your sins against me for slaying my legion of demons. Admit that you challenged a greater power and lost. Admit that your… endowments… will ever measure up to my own.

Garcia: I will admit you're a fucking asshole. How's that, "Fleming"?

Fleming: So be it. A place for Paula has now been set at my table, mortal. You cannot have her back now. But come to my castle in the Underworld, and you could still join in our revels.

Garcia: Such a tempting offer. I do love a party. Maybe we could play pong or do shots!

[He tries to shoot at Fleming, and throws him out the window.]

Fleming: I would say, "You slay me, Hotspur!". But you don't. You can't! Now say good-bye to Paula. She has a lot of dying to do. And coming back to life, and dying some more. I like to keep my mistresses guessing. Yes, help her! Because in the meantime, I'll be helping myself.

[He disappears into the portal. Garcia gets his jacket and jumps after him.]

Garcia: Paula!

[Garcia wakes up lying on the ground. His gun turns into a flying fiery skull.]

And also starring
as himself

Johnson: You know, G, just because the highway to the Underworld is stretched out before us doesn't mean we have to...

Garcia: Is there a problem, Johnson?

Johnson: Well, I'm just saying. Demons are buttholes. You really wouldn't like it there.

Garcia: Says the former demon. What's wrong, lost your spine?

[Johnson transforms into a torch.]

Johnson: Uh. Okay, okay, look. If you want to go to the Underworld, good on ya. But you don't know that place. Look... look what they did to me. A few little transgressions, and now doomed to an eternity of heavy metal jokes and -- and posing for pirate flags! It's only worse for mortals!

Garcia: Then all the more reason to go. They have Paula. So the way I see it, you are either with me or you're not.

[He throws him away.]

Johnson: No!!

[Johnson transforms into a motocycle.]

Johnson: Uh… Get on.

Garcia: Alright. Vamonos! The Underworld lies just beyond the sound barrier.

Johnson: How do you know? That's, like, super classified demon information!

Garcia: Not according to the Internet.

[He rears up and drives to the horizon.]


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